RULES

Rules suck, and should never be written down.

Having said that. Here they are:

Rules – Equipment

Wheels

• Minimum spoke count: 28
• Maximum spoke count: 32
• 700c
• Any form of racing wheel is prohibited eg, ZIPPS
• Must be clincher
• Must be aluminium
• Must not have large or cool looking decals

Tyres

• Coloured tyres are prohibited
• Minimum width 23
• Maximum width 23
• Preferred types – Conti Ultra Sport, Conti Gator Skin, Conti GP4000
• Acceptable types – whatever is on special
• Needless to say fat or knobbly tyres are prohibited
• Label must always align with valve

Frames

• Must not be a European brand (old school steel frames are excepted from this rule, but they must have been re-sprayed recently)
• Must not be made of titanium or other wanky material
• Must not be made of carbon

Forks

• Must be made of carbon

Handlebars

• Regular road drop bars only (but never use the drops, except to signal Schmycledan)
• No wing type aero bars
• No TT extensions
• No moustache bars
• Bar tape must never be loose, falling off or dirty
• No electrical tape near the bar plugs
• Electrical tape must match the colour of the bar tape with the exception of a black/white combination

Chainrings/cranks

• Minimum number of rings 2
• Maximum number of rings 2
• Acceptable big ring tooth range 53 – 53
• Acceptable small ring tooth range 39 – 39
• Minimum arm length 172.5
• Maximum arm length 172.5

Cassette

• Small cog should be an 11. Never use the 11. (those riders with 11 tooth cogs with have them inspected regularly for signs of use)
• Maximum should be 23
• Fixed or single speeds are expressly FORBIDDEN

Pedals

• Keo
• Clip in only
• Must have sufficient scuff marks from contact with the road

Prohibited Accessories

• Flashing front lights
• Weird looking home made front lights (It’s 2009 people, Ayups, Newts or USBs please)
• Reflectors
• Bells or horns
• Mirrors
• Fenders
• Panniers
• Large saddle bags (should only be able to fit half an inner tube)
• Bottles over 400ml capacity.
• HR monitors
• Reflectors in the wheels
• Valve lid caps
• Cadence sensors
• Power meters

Rules – Clothing

Jerseys

• Short sleeve
• No team jerseys, unless you are currently on the payroll of that team and it’s a contractual requirement, this will be checked
• Must not be overly worn out, unless it is an old LACC team kit and it has been damaged by racing accidents. Bonus points if your only recollection of the accident is 3rd hand information.
• Must not have holes that were not caused by a racing accident
• Must not contain anything relating to a cyclo sportif event (eg, Sydney to gong, spring cycle, around the bay etc)
• Must not contain anything relating to the following groups:

1. Hunters Hill group

2. Hunters Hill related groups

3. Hunters Hill splinter groups

4. Hunters Hill related splinter related splinter groups with secret handshakes

Kinks

• Bib nicks only
• The nicks with the extra ventilation above the arse crack (also known as the bean sprout patch) are expressly FORBIDDEN
• Must not have holes that were not caused by a racing accident
• Must not have holes near the arse crack, even if they were caused by a racing accident

Helmets

• Must not have the Australian approved sticker on the inside
• Must not be scratched in anyway
• Should be very clean, with the exception of the below point
• Should have salt lines caked on the straps

Shoes

• Sidi

Legs

• Shall not have any chain/chainring markings
• Shall not have hair growth exceeding 4mm
• Triathlon numbering is strictly FORBIDDEN
• Shall be covered by knee warmers in temperatures below 16c
• Shall be covered by leg warmers in temperatures below 14c

Arms

• Shall be covered by arm warmers in temperatures below 15c

Prohibited Clothing

• Zip ties on helmets
• Bandanas
• Sweat bands
• Reflective items
• Hi-viz items
• Large backpacks (Any back pack shall not exceed any of these dimensions H:300mm, L:200mm, D:100mm)
• Camelbacks

Prohibited Activities

• Talking to the hubbards at the lights (or even acknowledging them)
• Discussions about getting a 1750 team kit
• Acknowledging the existence of any patron of the pub standing on the footpath at Concord
• Using the drops at speeds below 45kmph
• Replying “Maybe” to the in-or-out afternoon email
• Asking about someone’s current hart rate
• Complaining about the speed
• Commenting one anyone else’s appearance, except to call them fat
• Unclipping on tight ramp corners – learn how to ride before attempting the 1750
• Being overtaken by any bike with the following items:

§ Flat bars

§ Suspension

§ Knobbly tyres

§ Fixed gears

§ Triple chain rings

§ Panniers

§ Mirrors

§ Flat Pedals

§ Or any bike considered “ugly” in general

§ Anyone riding a European brand bike especially a Pinarello

§ Actually, unless it is Team Saxo Bank out training and being motor paced, you shouldn’t be overtaken by anyone

If you are overtaken, re-overtaking just looks desperate, never do this. Find an alternate route. OR suck their wheel all the way to where ever they are going, with a large overlap and with excessive, loud freewheeling.

Handy Weather Forecaster

Idiots

They come in pairs

Thursday Report

With some riders lining up at the start, moaning and groaning:

• Alastair at the end of a 300km 3 day bender
• BoB at the end of a week that started off with a race and his hardest ever Homebush sessions
• Luke with half the office stationary supplies (including a desktop computer) in his backpack

There were always going to be attacks on the cards. Since the first flu of the winter 09 any sign of weekness has now become the sign for an attack. It was just a matter of when.

Waiting for Luke to arrive a Pinarello pulled up and went through the lights ahead of us. Luckily, Luke was still not there and Pinarello was allowed to ride off at the next green. It would have been unimaginable carnage had he been in the group through Pyrmont. This was enough to send everyone’s frontal race lobes into serious overdrive. Then Luke showed up with what can only be described has his new home office setup (including fax machine) in a backpack. It was ON.

Pyrmont and the Col were spent closely watching each other as we prepared for the inevitable fireworks display on Lillyfield Rd. However, Lillyfield started rather cruzy as we were all too busy watching each other to mount a serious attack of our own. And then Haza went for it. Let the show begin. I don’t know what it did to the others but something about the sight of a supposedly “recovering” Harry riding off the front of the group made one of my race lobes explode. I had to show him he was still recovering and I put in a seated attack up the hill at 50kph, being very careful to keep my upper body absolutely still so there was nothing to show just how far I was beyond the red line.

Some bad timing with the lights meant that the group had to take the long (calmer) way around to Fivedock. Or did it….. when we looked over to cross the road there was Haza, putting in another sneaky attack. It was short but it was enough to ensure that this would be the last we’d see of Alastair and Luke until re-grouping at Fivedock. They were off, like socks from the morning Group 1 at 4pm in a crowded office.

Around the bay and it was a short acceleration from myself and a half hearted attempt to drive it before Al took the bit between the teeth and set off with Luke, Travis and Mark in tow. I was cooked, but comfortable because I couldn’t even see hazza when I turned back.

Out of Concord shops and I stepped up the pace as we came down the hill. Accelerating into the golf course corner at 50kph knowing that it would hurt Luke in second wheel, whose cornering balls are yet to drop, I held the speed until he caught up and then let it fall to 45. My chances of a win were nonexistent so I drove it again up to 50 through the next roundabout. There was the woosh as everyone came past and I could smell burning as we came to the foot of the hospital hill. I was toast. But I did have just enough to re-take that pesky recovering hazza before the official sprint line.

drink n ride

Rob's first A grade - REPORT

Good racing?!!? I was bleeding out of my eyeballs. It was on from the gun, attack, attack, attack (even i had a go at it) until a 5 man break went clear at about 30min into it. Scotty didn't make the break and drove very hard to get back on, main field was reduced to about 8. Anthony was there, he's getting stronger and sporting a nice pair of deep dish carbon wheels. He did quite a few turns and I did a few myself. Nearly made the mistake of going too hard and not leaving enough to jump back in the train.

The break shelled 2 of them near the end, I managed to get 5th place with second in the bunch sprint. I thought I had it with a pathetic, but all that i could manage, 53kmph sprint. Albert flew past me at about 65kph with 10m to go.

What did i learn. Even in A grade some people can't corner properly. Maintain a good position so you don't have to brake in the corners and waste energy getting up to speed. I am cornering rather well with this new (to me) pushing the front wheel out by keeping your inside arm extended.

One of many

The misses will want vacum, mop and leaf blower attachments as well.