Oh what a night!

Flat rear.... no probs fix that. Change tube. CO2 freezes to the valve, rips the little top head out. Can't screw back in, broken valve.

Fix again. Change tube. flats straight away (turns out the tube hadn't been replaced since the last flat, or i damaged it on the lever.)

Fix again. Change tube. Al takes over, CO2 freezes to more of the valve head, but salvageable. Little presta head stays connected to the little screw bit. can screw back in, inflate manually

Set off.... joke to Ryan "oh no!!" and look at my front wheel. very funny, laughs all round

Then it turns out I actually do have a front flat. very un funny, laughs all round.

Front flat, fix that. Change tube. Inflate manually. Try to put wheel back on the front. Skewer nut has come lose and gone missing.

Look in the darkness in the long grass for a while, Ryan finds the spring. Look some more. No nut can be found.

Swap the skewer nuts over, move the nut to the front, ride with no rear skewer.

Get 15m, back wheel pops out with pedaling.

Despair, Mark suggests his brake nut, it fits! but not tight.

Set off slowly, get home.

Throw bike away.

Never ride again.

Props to the 1750 crew for sticking by me, and supplying me with many tubes.